Michael Patton has had a very successful and informative blog series called "Theological Word of the Day" running for some time now. Without wishing to steal his thunder in any way, I have decided to contribute some definitions of my own. (Be warned, not everyone will appreciate my sense of humour. But I have at least tried to offend all denominations equally…)

Generous

Definition: A way of insulting people while sounding like you are being nice

Example: "Richard generously described the Pentecostals as ‘zealous and enthusiastic’…"

Robbellious

Definition: Describes a woman who takes delight in listening to emerging church teaching much to the chagrin of her husband.

Example: "Son of a perverse and robbellious woman" (1 Sam 20:30)

Missional

Definition: A way of doing evangelism where you don’t have to talk to people

Example: "Rather than retreating into a Christian ghetto by attending the prayer meeting, Roger made a missional visit to watch Leeds play Bradford"

Family Service

Definition: Talent show for church members to show off their skills to one another

Example: "At this weeks family service, the puppet team will re-enact 1 Sam 18:27 and Greg will preach on humility whilst unicycling and juggling fire-balls."

Guest Service

Definition: Talent show for the winners of the family service to show off their skills to outsiders

Emerging Church

Definition: Place of worship for trendy people with soul patches and tattoos

Evangelical Church

Definition: Place of worship for untrendy people with Volvo estates and Laura Ashley dresses

Word of Knowledge

Definition: A lucky guess

Example: "Looking out at the congregation of 500, Barry had a word of knowledge that someone had a sore back … or something"

Judgmental

Definition: Describes anyone who doesn’t agree with you or approve of you

Example: "Those evangelicals are so judgmental"

Gift of discernment

Definition: A positive way to describe a critical person

Gift of faith

Definition: A positive way to describe a reckless person

Tithe

Definition: The God tax, used to ward off bad luck and evil spirits

Anointed

Definition: Anything that sends shivers up your spine or gives you goose-bumps

Example: "Wow! Sixth Sense was an anointed movie"

Raising hands

Definition: An established congregational way of voting for favourite songs. A worship time is considered anointed if all songs are voted for by at least 80% of the congregation.

Dialectic

Definition: Word for preachers to use if they wish to sound erudite. Doesn’t matter what it actually means because no one in the congregation knows.